How to Talk About Infertility With Family and Friends During Gatherings

With the holidays quickly approaching, you’re going to see a lot of people you haven’t seen in a while. They’ll want to catch up. Unfortunately, this can be awkward if you or someone in your circle is struggling with infertility.

At University Reproductive Associates, with locations in New Jersey and New York, our team of reproductive specialists can help if you’re having fertility issues. Remember, your fertility is your own business, and you shouldn’t have to face intrusive questions about it during what should be a pleasant holiday season. 

Here are some tips for navigating the topic of fertility during family gatherings.

If you or your partner are struggling with infertility

Present a united front. Only discuss the topic if both of you have agreed to discuss it. 

Remember, you don’t have to talk about your fertility if you don’t want to. A simple “We prefer not to discuss it” is fine.

If you choose to share, keep it brief and to the basics unless you want to share more. If you do wish to share but not publicly, it’s okay to ask if you can talk in private instead.

Avoid “blame” terms and make it clear that infertility can have many causes and is more common than people realize. If unwanted advice is given, you can gently say that you’re not in need of advice and change the subject.

If someone is pushy, dryly comment that the definition of infertility is when a couple has unprotected sex for a year without becoming pregnant, and is your questioner really demanding details about your sex life?

If someone else is or may be struggling with infertility

Always assume someone else knows more about their own fertility than you do. Don’t be the person to bring it up. Be careful around the topic of pregnancy, and don’t say things like “When are you going to have kids?” or “Isn’t it time for [child’s name] to get a little brother or sister?”

After all, they may not currently want children, or they may be privately struggling with fertility. Perhaps, they could even be pregnant already but not ready to tell anyone yet. If you notice someone refraining from alcohol, don’t speculate that they might be pregnant. Even if they are, they could be waiting to announce out of anxiety they will lose the pregnancy.

If someone shares their fertility struggle with you, listen and offer support without negativity or judgment. Avoid comparing their situation to your own or others, especially if you have had no fertility issues. Don’t offer unsolicited advice, like home remedies, or suggest surrogacy or adoption. 

If you see someone else being badgered about fertility, building a family, or anything that would make you uncomfortable, step in and change the subject. Your friend or family member will appreciate it.

Family gatherings are a great time, but the fun can be dimmed by intrusive questions about fertility. Be ready to protect yourselves and others this holiday season.

If you need more information about fertility treatment or want to discuss your case with a specialist, call the URA location closest to you or request an appointment online.